Tip Sheet for Talking to Children about the Western Massachusetts Tornadoes

Adapted from '8 tips for talking to kids about the Joplin Tornado - How to help children handle scenes of appalling destruction'

Do talk, but don't say more than you need to. Don't feel you need to share a lot of details a child might not have seen, and don't try to explain everything you think a child might need to know in one big conversation. In fact, you can and should have an ongoing dialogue about traumatic events as the child's feelings and understanding change.

Don't focus on your own feelings or fears. While you want the child to feel at ease unburdening herself to you, don't unburden yourself to the child. Don't answer questions that aren't asked, and don't transfer your own fears.

Acknowledge reality, but remain calm. It does no good to pretend a disaster didn't happen, particularly if the child is exposed to the media. You can explain what tornadoes are, and how, when and where they occur. Facts help to anchor feelings, and remaining calm will help the child remain calm and modulate his own feelings.

Listen when they're not talking. Be on the lookout for nonverbal cues indicating anxiety. The 8-year-old who hasn't asked you about the tornado but who has seen the images, and whose play or social habits have changed after the tragedy, may need to have a conversation, even if he isn't asking in words.

Model a healthy response. Whether the child seems unfazed or uneasy, he will look to you for a reaction. Model a calm, appropriately emotional response, and don't let your concern for him appear to be reinforcing his anxiety.

Focus on resilience. Emphasize rescue efforts, strength in the face of adversity, stories of heroism. Remind children that love endures in times of hardship and upheaval.

Express empathy, and act on it. Younger children will appreciate affection in the wake of a disturbing event. Older children will, too, even if it's just a pat on the back. But they also may want to take an active role in helping disaster victims which is a great way to master an uncertain situation and an aid to resilience. So don't say, "There's nothing we can do." Instead, say "What do you think we should do about it?"